Heyyyyy! I can't believe this. I got ecxams NEXT WEEK AND I AM...

Blogging.

Yeah.

Okay, so I had this plan to study after stats lecture today. It was like what on the last part. I think no one got what the lecturer was trying to say. Anyway so after the lecture, I walked around with Huiyin, fufu and vir in my aunty clothes according to them. Gaaah. I like the shirt but yeah the bottoms was super aunty. Who cares. Haha, it's not the clothes that define who I am! :)

Anyway, so yeah I didn't join them and came home and guess what, end up I didn't study! I came home and I don't know what I did... Oh let me think I on the internet and my lappy. Then later... cook lunch, trying to watch Anastasia online. Oh yeah. That really sucked. All the way until about 4pm plus I was like SHOOOT!

Overshoot a lot leh. I havent really studied anything much yet. I remember writing notes for ASR and BNF but that was before exams. It was when they had this little tests.... Do those count? I have spent a lot of time on LAW. Writing the notes diligently.... I'm at Lecture 3 over le :D. Like coming to 4 then 5 then 6. :D.

Haven't revised anything much of Stats. :( But it's maths, plus I think I just need to practice and practice... Well, but I cheated actually, I read my carbo notes a lot already, and lipids thingy I did for proj. Haha. ASR... I remember bits of things hahaha. Sigh. My mouth tastes weird, I think I want a BIG GULP! from 7-11, I shall go get it and start on LAW again, I guess! :D! I'm soo happy I'm getting things in control. :) Read read read

&lots more reading to do.

P.S. I can't love you better than this. ;)
Current music: You get what you give - New Radicals.

Dearest Diary. I admit, I have indeed taken up more than I can cope with but, this is my life and I am living it the way it should be lived in the Duckie standards, so bugger off. B)

First things first, my friendships, I feel so guilty towards my friends. They know who they are, they do come to this little blog and read my mindless entries or at least I think they can be pretty mindless at times. But this is where I pour out my feelings too.

I feel so guilty towards my friends, I don't want them to think that I am only interested in having a friendship with them because I need them like the usual, they have good grades and all that's why I am being friends with them, I don't want them to think that I am using them. I am not, but why does it seem that way? How can I not put it that way? Then I will feel bad.

And another problem that I have is, I have problems expressing myself. Certain things that I want to say, it's like they don't come out in the correct way that I want to put it. It's so irritating, I wish I could express myself properly. Probably right here right now, I can and am doing it the correct way, I hope.

Sigh, I just feel so troubled. And it's my mid terms on their way. They are making me lose sleep. But I hope you see this entry, you know who you all are.

Just for the record, I love you guys okay? And you all have been really understanding towards me, I will appreciate you and love you guys for it, I wish I could hug all you, but if you feel uncomfortable, I don't know how else to express it but in words. I really really really thank you all for being my friends and being so understanding. You all mean a lot to me and I thank God for all of you guys in my life.

God Bless You all. All the best for midterms, darlings! :D!

Someone tell me why...

Adults always assume that they are right when they know they are wrong?
Why adults are such a pain in the butt
Why they are holes in the butt (read in between the lines?)

Sigh I was just thinking about this whole thing. I am not really angry or hurt.
Just irritated, irritated that at this age, at my age and at my parents age..
They still don't understand me or attempt to, it's like they still treat me the same way as they did when I was younger.

Like what the feces. Seriously. Aren't I of age?

I really am feeling pretty much immune to it though. It's not like getting angry would solve the problems. I figured that they are just too much of an irritant in my life.

But I need these irritants, they support my very life too, how ironic.
They spoil it and make it... So much irony in the house.

Sigh, I really wish I could be a full-fledged adult.
Maybe I don't want it, maybe all I want is my freedom but still being underneath the wings of my parents, someone to clear up my messes...

I know how that feels... It's great ain it. Sigh, I just feel so troubled now. Sickening.

I won't blog again, I'm irritated and angry that I am forced to being treated like that. I feel violence rushing in my blood, oh yes.

Sigh. -_______-...

I hate being someone else whom I am not.
And if you don't like me, I am not obliged to make you like me.

And don't influence anyone of my friends you idiot.
And friends, don't be so fickle minded by someone who doesn't like me.

Sigh, I really give up. I give up being someone I am not.
I am nice at times and I have my moods at times.
I am not born in this world to please you neither are you to please me.

We are all not perfect beings and if you think I'm too nagging or my ways are mean then hey! That's me, you have no right to judge me or whatsoever.

As for a particular person I would like to swear at you and curse you because you really are the worst thing ever. You have no backbone you only support everyone else whom you want to please you dont care about people who care about you.
YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT WHO YOU WANT TO PLEASE. THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO.
SO F YOU. I HATE YOU. AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
BECAUSE YOU ARE ONLY MAKING HELL A PLACE ON EARTH.

F OFF. AND THANK YOU.

Finally got that off my chest.

Today was supposedly an okay day really.
Until, you guys just read it.
Well, laughter in the daytime with all the fun things.
Went shopping too. Sigh. I can't blog now. Too hurt and angry.
Sorry for the post, had to vent it out somewhere before i go mad.

You know what, scratch that, I've lost all my marbles.

-

I think I am getting obsessed with this ---> ♥

Anyway, NEW BLOG SKIN! Yeah well the old one was a little looney haha.
Okay stuff to put here.

I want my scholarship. I want my nose. I want my debating trophy but I don't want overdose.

Sigh, I know I'm nuts but I think I want to keep this short.

Then putting reality aside, I want to do all the wackiest things that I could ever do in my life. Totally change my hair, change my hairstyle, learn to play musical instruments, have a band, throw a gig, compose songs, drink, party, club, be the teenager I am meant to be. Go for expensive shopping spree. Work my ass off for money for that of course. I want boots, clothes, everything and anything I can get. Go for language classes. Learn French, German, Spanish, whatever I can learn, travel the world and finally, I want to marry and settle down in a family, hopefully I'll live in somewhere nicer to die in. Like the countryside.

With all the ♥ in the world, my little nose, you are the brightest star for me.
I♥you.

People whom I♥:
Nose.

Church people: Cellgroup; karmen, michelle, yiying, vic, janel
Lunch sweethearts; Vic, Joel, Jerry

Debaters: You guys are so rocking; Aji [coach]
[seniors] Pacer, Paki, Tank, Bhavna, Canni, Scarro, Khandahar, Porkie, Saydu?
[everyone else] KJ, Freya, Maryann, Beanie, Nea, Yat, Ray, Ekta, Sunshine, Blob, Don,
Anita, Irene, Box, R2, R1, Hawaii... did I miss anyone out?

GEMS 1BO2! ♥♥♥♥♥: (I copied and paste) Brian, Christianna, Farah, Fuhairah, Shu Han, Grace, Kesha, Derek, Anne, Dai Zhen, Crystal, Heather, Nisa, Zakiyyah, Hazimah, Hui Yin, Reuben, Pamela, Max, Li Cheng, Virina, Megan, Yong Xuan, Zabeen.

Lol, I only know a few people from the other class, 1B01 and they are YiWei and Uncle Josee, Kylie and Ruoen. I♥them too.

Some other people I think I should mention that I♥: JAMIE! COUSIN! PLMC's Vocalists ministry, band, sound crew, ushers. There are so many....

And to all of you, I♥you guys. :)

I hope I didn't miss out anyone else important. If I missed you out, I'll let you know that whoever you are, you are still loved. :)

xoxoxoxo means hugs&kisses!

I can't believe it. I'm blogging. -.-

Today is the first day that I didn't go to school in my poly days.
I thought I loved school, but seeing what has happened, it makes me think that I am really better off alone.

I won't say it's emoness I just think that I'm the bad clam that can't click with everyone.

And I find myself too stubborn to succumb to others and what they want.
I often find myself asking, who are you now? What are you doing? Is this justice enough on your own conscious?

I want to be myself too much really.

So when I thought about today and how much I wanted to go to school, I realised that I want to do the same thing you want to do, Daddy.
I want to give up on reality as a whole, lost myself. Go against the Singapore Government, go against what I know. Like how we must go to school, we must study to get good grades, how I must be a good girl, what society expects from me.

And I was just thinking about all those other people in the world, who don't face being in a democractic "civilised" society, don't suffer the expectations that they have to meet that we do.

It's not just. But i guess it all boils down to it, being life itself. We're born into this world and society.

So today, when I was at home, besides feeling the stress from my nose, medicine and the notes that were facing me, I realised that I took not only a day off in school or made full use of my MC or missed a BNF test. I also realised that I took a break from life altogether.

Duckie, will keep fighting on. She needs it. She will fight her own battles, cry her won tears, experience her own willpower and strength. She needs to keep moving on..

-

Ohhhh yeah. (:

Today feels like a really awesome day. I feel like I have achieved something today.
And I want to thank one of my colleague! She helped me.

We helped each other actually. To get over 2 idiots. :P.
I can say idiot here because they really are idiots in their own ways.

I feel really awesome today like I have achieved something that I didn't think I could achieve.

I have finally let go.
I have learnt and realise a lot of things.

There are fine lines separating, it takes time to nurse a broken heart and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And also just this whole relationship thingy. I felt like a brand new me bursting through with succession.

I was young and in love and very much hurt. I vowed to be free from all the tangles of love. I wanted to be what I wanted to be, an independent free young woman. But haha, how possible is it to run away from love? You can never run away from your problems. I learnt that the hard way. Neither is it easy to face it.

That's why we face it with our friends, we face it with as much courage as we have summoned out. I learn that. Today I learnt that some problems, you have to make a decision. You can't run away from it forever but then there's always putting the problem aside for a moment then getting back to it. But it can be put about as running away from it.

I learnt that today because I wanted to face the problem, I'm like all set and ready to face it and when it really comes, it catches me unaware and all so I froze there in my seat, unable to make a move. That's what I realise. Facing your problems ain easy but taking a step to try to solve it is good, it's encouraging.

I don't know how long my problem is going to last but I hope it won't end nasty. (:

I know it will take time to solve it, I must learn to be patient. And patient I shall try to be. Because I am not exactly a patient person. :P.

You must be too. (:

Love you (: