If today wasn't a bad day. Then maybe yesterday was. But today felt like such a sucky day. I hate it when I have nothing to do. When I'm not busy because then I got nothing to do, I will think about horrible things or things that I don't want to think about. Like today... ):

I just can't get you out of my head or mind. I just keep thinking about you. It's so wrong. I have mixed emotions. I hate you but I love you. I hate you for what you did to me. I love you because it affected me and made me feel a special way like very loved and very protected, very secured.

I feel like I shouldn't have seen you today, you shouldn't have come today, because I was doing so well so fine but yet, I was happy because you were coming. And when you came, you probably thought I hated you and didn't want to pay any attention to you, it was kind of true. I didn't know what we were anymore. I didn't know what to do.

You put me in a plight. I can't love you because I'm scared to go where I don't want to go. But you do know to a certain extent that I want to. I feel so mixed up so lost. We should talk it out. But I don't know. I don't want to. That's why I hate today.

Because talking it out means I'm accepting it, means it's true. Means I've done the unthinkable. The thing is I've thought the unthinkable but not done it. I'm suffering here. You really make me feel like I'm forbidden to fall in love. I can't do it.

But if you are reading this or have managed to read it. Come find me, You know how to. Go by our usual way. Let me know because I still want to talk to you. I want to know what's happening. I don't dare to make a move, but even not making a move is making a move because, you should know why. I want to talk and come and find you but I don't dare.

I'm going crazy. Please if you read this. Please, come and find me.

I don't know if I can still say "Love ya" like I do to everyone else but I'll say it to you anyway because it's true.

Love ya..