These words caress my brain right now: Gentle, calm, serene, shy, quiet and humble.

I guess sometimes when the mood has strike me right, I feel myself sinking into these characteristics. And why should I not shrink into these characteristics? They're pretty much more well received than the rest of my other moods, aren't they? :P

But then I realise something else about me, I am a contradiction sometimes. I am strong on the outside but weak and crumble on the inside but maybe because of pride, I force myself to stand on 2 of my good feet. The worst thing is that maybe sometimes I exert my insecurities on others. Do I really realise it? I guess I realise it all the time. But in so many ways that I do not like peer pressure, I find myself in a position at its mercy.

Being a student of Sociology, we learn about how the environment affects us. How we like to adapt. As well as being a student of Psychology, the mind is almost like an impenetrable fortress. Only you control what is in your head while the gates are your mouth. I find myself at a position of not bothering how people ignore me but when they turn their attention on me, I tend to crave for this continual wave of attention to be there for as long as possible.

It's really tough, to want 2 sides of the coin but then I always put myself at a neutral standing, it's not very comfortable but at least, I feel the most comfortable. It's pretty much the same for human relations. People always think that being a social science student naturally dictates your good social skills. And often people do come up to me and tell me I have good social skills but I am really doubtful about that. I feel inept.

Sometimes I wish that there is a mirror in front of you all the time at least then you'll be able to tell if you are embarrassing yourself or something. HEE! :P!