Today is Hari Raya Haji. Public Holiday. I had a fun time rolling around in bed til like noon then got up hurriedly to do work. Mindmap work. Brain damage.

I told nelnel that we need to go out today since it's a public holiday and i told her to arrive before 3pm at orchard. I miss F21 I think. In the end, we were both late dammit.

4pm. 5pm is the interview/work. 1 hour of nothingness it feels. Nelnel visits her beloved shrine of Sylvianian Families lol. It's amazing. I did think they were cute but not really up to that extent.

We went Fox, talking about Fox, I've made up my mind to buy that last item. With 20% discount from member card with nelnel's help of course I can get my top at 21.50. I calculated WOOO. Love that top. Already planned what to wear with it ;P

And also we didn't have time to go anywhere actually. She have not me exactly. She wanted to go around the places, I went to buy my dinner that was Mos Burger. The Teriyaki Chicken was awesome.

What was even more awesome was the new workplace... So slack! So relaxed. I love it. I really do! Never thought work could be like that. Nobody scolding you. People trust you to do your work. It feels really great man.

And I went off earlier at like 7 something. I went to F21. Wisma first. When I was there I was thinking omg I need to find a new place to shop for clothes..... It was so miserable please the selection of clothing on display! No wonder it was Sales Clearance! Then I went to Somerset. I think I bought the last set of what I saw there the last time. I didn't buy the yellow top thing but ended up getting another colour and sort of the same.... I felt like an orange potato bag to tell you the truth but I still bought it because it was so obviously the last one. It was almost 30 bucks. Oh well.

And F21 is so annoying. They'd shut their level 3 and level 2 changing room and leave the level 1's open only! FOR WHAT! And the 2 idiotic girls standing infront of me actually went up thinking that they were smart people. HAH! I am so mean. And I was standing there like so pissed off... Not as pissed off as I was when I was in Cotton On!

I was actually picking stuff to wear inside of the potato sack top that I picked... So I know Cotton On got the orange colour to match the top and I quickly picked 3 tops of different sizes..Then there was this girl infront of me, she was like smsing her friend really angrily about this girl infront of her.. I didn't understand why she was being so mean and such a bitch.. She said this girl asked opinion from her boyfriend and he was like yeah nice then she went back inside the changing room again and she was expressing her anger.

Then finally she went in and I understood her frustration. This girl, really considerate of her, she wore a clothing then called her boyfriend to see the clothing, he was like yeah nice whatever then she kept probing him isnt it loose? Then probe for like what 2 to 3 minutes then go inside wear another top and then ask him or the salesperson to pick another size for her like WTF. It's like closing time and there's a queue and she's doing this! I was standing infront I felt like slapping her. I wonder how her boyfriend feels man.

Looking at this situation, it dawned upon me that in the 21st century, it's the women who wear the pants now, not the men. It's the women, the control freaks, the dominant, the men just slack and relax honestly. But it's like what all the psychology books say really.... It's barking mad.

Sigh, at last I picked out my clothes, and well, I'm more broke than I already am. I really need to save my money. Sigh.

I was talking to myself today after work, I felt so depressed really. Going back to the places where I actually find comfort in just to realise that these places don't give me the same comfort anymore but they remind me of memories I wish to forget. Events that happened in that place that I don't want to remember.

Maybe that's why I need to find a happy place, another happy shop to shop in but where? This is like the one and only place that I can really find joy and all that. It's destroyed. I was saying stuff like next time if I ever go out with ya'll I won't tell you where are my usual hangouts because I don't want you to turn that place into a nightmare for me. It's my safe haven and I wish to keep it as that.

Sigh, what a nightmare, what a sad thought to enter my head. Maybe there's somewhere that I should consider. I went there with Jerry before, it's the F21 Vivo outlet! Yes yes yes! Lol but nose is going to be there and he wants to write letters to me. We're so sad sad sad sad.

And by the way, about that, I was talking to myself about that too. I do want a boyfriend but then I've decided maybe I won't be serious. I won't have this whole Leroy bullshit to go through again. I just want to be loved, noticed and cared for and I want to be able to do it to someone who will do it back to me too. Is it so difficult?

I've finally learnt the rules and the game of love. It's a cruel game of love where women stand to rule over men. And men are slaves for the first time. Seeing it and hearing it from other women, realising that I've done the same thing unintentionally to other men, breaks my heart. It is the sole reason for so many things that have happened. It is a sad and cruel way for men but surely an effective way. I feel sad for the men. It works though this cruel way I must say, it works very well.

I hate it though. Because I never get the men I want in my life but get those that I don't want. And I know it will break my heart if I do that cruel way to the guy that I like. I don't know how the other girls can do it. But I know if it's me it will break my heart. But at least they end up happy I guess. You break your own heart, get the guy you want under your thumb and rule, why not right? That must be what the other girls think.

But for me, it's not the breaking my own heart that matters is more like I want the guy to have his own freedom, I want him to love me on his own terms, I don't want to trap him like the other girls do. Corner him and leave him with no choice. But because I have chosen to do that, I leave myself in heartaches and heart breaks. I realise I always save others than save myself.

Things that I know I need I do it to other people, wishing and hoping they would return the favour. But of course they never do. Why would they? They always say Do unto others what you wish others to do unto you. I have always practiced that as much as I can up to the best of my own ability but it never works. Good works go unnoticed unless you're me. It's true. Or someone spies on you 24/7.

Ah it's almost 2am, guess it's time to sleep. Goodnight! :)!