It has been like what? 3 years?

I stumbled upon this today, somehow today seems to be like a walk down memory lane.

Starting from the very first moment when I woke up in bed.

You won't believe the dream that I've had!

I was dreaming that I was in a country (not Sg obviously) with a not so stranger person.

I knew this person for almost close to 7 years of my life. Since I was 13 all the way to like when I was 19? Seems like it.

I have a crush on him for like forever. I know his closest or once upon a time closest friends. I still keep his gifts. I think.

I never forget our moments together and I think if I see him now, they might all come back and flow back and the memories and the moments. Maybe, we'll have a ton of things to talk about. :)

My dreams are as erratic as the past few ones.. Always it seems I plunge right straight into it. I appear to have started with realising I had hooked arms with someone maybe a stranger. A familiar muscular fair white arm. It is noticeably obvious that this person is definitely taller than me. I was looking surprised at the hooking of the arms and I looked up to my left only to see a smile in delight upon my face.

I stared in wonder and awe at this smiling face, it was a face lit up that I could never forget. My heart raced and tripped over some seconds but I was excited and my face cracked to expose my grin widely.

We were together for a brief period of time. Going to the movies to catch the latest Batman movie. He is a fan and has always been a fan. Even adopted such a nickname. I never have called him that however. For me his birth name was the one I have ever called him.

In my dream, he was wonderful, happy and smiling. It seems and appears that we were on a date together, blissful, shy like a couple's first time. I knew all I thought in my head was this is it, the moment that I missed and wished that I could have in reality. My brain knew I was in dream world.

The next thing I knew, the scene changed. We were still heading to the movies but no longer was I with the man that made me elated. I was in a crowded bus filled with Caucasian students and passengers. I was upset but still in a dreamy state. I never forget his muscular arms and staring at them touching my arm and touching me. I could not get the feeling and image out of my mind that there he was beside me at such close proximity. I was never this close to him before or not that I can remember.

My brain also seem to portray the far-fetch spell upon me that we had hug. Like a fangirl, I believe my lungs would have burst and my whole body would have screamed. But it was probably the best feeling ever like standing on top of the mountain. All I wanted to remember and hold on to me forever was his face, his smile, his happiness and it was all based on the fact that it was because I was there.

Of course when reality splashed on me and my eyes opened for real. I passed the day away without much concern and thought for him. The bitter truth sets in. Although my heart was in love with him. Secretly the feelings has been awakened, the brain doesn't fail to notify the heart the truth.

He's never really shown as much smile as he does factually. Whenever he's with you, he upholds a grim, firm, irritated, hateful attitude towards you. You let him down. You let him go. And You, are in regret. You gave away what you felt could never work out. And now you look back in bitter hunger of upset knowing you had let go something good, something you truly wanted in your heart.

But Alas, the moment and time has passed. One can only look back and wonder, did he felt the same way? If he did, why didn't he try harder?

One has matured their thinking and time has changed their perspective on love totally.

I don't think you'll ever read this entry. But on Monday, Oct the 3rd. I woke up in delight because I dreamt about you and our fantastic short time together. You weren't upset, you weren't irritated. You were you, your smiling wonderful gorgeous you.

I miss that in you, I really do. But that was ancient times. I've let you go and I've moved on and you definitely have. So why did I have this dream today? Why did I wake up dreaming and thinking of you? Happy and excited like a new girl, freshly newly in love like someone, who has never been in love before, falling in love... with you.

Some things in life I will never know but now that my heart has spoken and said its piece... All I can say is yes I am in regret we never got a chance but I bet if we did, we might have had some wonderful memories together. Maybe more wonderful than today because I realise whatever I did then and now, we are still apart so maybe, we aren't meant to be together.

So much for

They're all lies. Nothing but, a packet of lies.

And ladies and gentlemen, that's life.